Nextnik: A divorce? But why?

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Dec

2008

A divorce? But why?

by alohagal

Back in June 2008, my husband of 11 years decided he no longer wants to be married. Huh. So, one child, one dog and a dream home later, he does not want to be married anymore? This came as a shock to me. The constant question of why comes up everyday. A question that not only I cannot answer, but neither can he. Did he cheat? I don't think so, but I cannot say for certain. Did I cheat? No, that I can answer. Are either one of us abusing drugs or alcohol? No. Are we physically abusive? No.

So, now that I have answered the basic questions that most men and women file a divorce for, I am once again left with why.

This is my journey as I navigate through a divorce. Not only am I weathering the storm of my separation, but I am weathering it through these tough economic times.

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Comments (7)

mike
12/09/08
Hey Alohagal, having been there myself, I'm looking forward to hearing how you make this transition. Good Luck

artpal
12/09/08
I've never been divorced but I have had relationships that broke up. I realize now that sometimes it had nothing to do with what I can control and everything to do with what was going on inside the other person. And who knows what that was.

alohagal
12/10/08
Artpal...very true. When I reached the 4 month marker, which was a turning point for me, I finally realized it is not me with the issues.

artpal
12/12/08
Four months? In an eleven year marriage? Wow. So you did see signs? In your first blog it sounded like you were totally surprised. I felt surprised when my relationships broke up too. But now I realize I shouldn't have been surprised.

artpal
12/12/08
Oh wait. Maybe you meant four months after he asked for a divorce. Oh I see. But did you not see any signs at all before? Anything in hindsight?

alohagal
12/12/08
artpal...as time goes by and I think back, I do see the "signs". For instance, he started to nikpik on things. Such as, asking me when I was going to dye my hair to cover some gray? Stuff like that. Also, he started to spend alot more time in his "mancave" basement just tending to himself. I intend to write a blog about this part.

kleinhk
01/10/09
It felt so much like a death to me, even tho it was mutual. Then I experienced caring for my dying sister and my perspective changed. But if a divorce is the worst loss you have ever experienced, then it is tremendously painful and mourning is much longer than most people suspect.

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