I know a little bit about failure as most people do when the hit their 40s.   I had a double whammy effect of failure, though. My marriage and my company failed in the same week.   The company was a publicly held one that was well known in its time.  No, not Lehman Brothers, but Pets.com.  And the marriage, well, that was own private failure.  The combination sent me into a tailspin.    I spent the next few years valiantly dog paddling in my own emotions.  I worked and socialized almost every day and to many, I seemed fine.  But when I got home, I was miserable.  I internalized my failure and identified with it.  I eventually moved on with my life and realized how much I had learned during my transition period.

Here are some tips that may help embrace your own healing and move past your failures: 

1) Recognize that you and failing are not synonymous.   Resist the temptation to identify yourself with this trait.  I am not suggesting that you just shrug and walk a way from a failure.  No, take responsibility for your mistakes, just don’t integrate the emotion of failing into your being, integrate the learning.  This is easier said than done and it may take some time before you can truly let go of the negative emotions.  But you have to do so in order to heal . 

2) Give yourself time and compassion.  Failure is a death of sorts and if it is traumatic enough, can result in true shock to the system.   Your actions may fluctuate for some time after a failure, the extremes being getting very regimented to behaving erratically.   Trust yourself that you will find a better balance in your life as time goes on.  Love your craziness or your fixed routines.  Embrace them until they stop working for you and then let them go.  Do not let them rule you or define you, just let yourself be who you are in the moment.  Love the process you are going through even if it feels odd.  It is also very important to be kind to yourself and others through this time of transition.  If you are being irresponsible, then let those around you know that you need to be irresponsible for a while.  

3) Get help if you are depressed.   Depression is a normal emotion when loss occurs.  However, if you are depressed two years later, well, then something more than normal has you in its grip.   If you can afford to, see a professional during the first year of your transition.  This might help you avoid being stuck.  If you can’t afford private sessions with a therapist, talk to your family doctor.  He/she will know free clinics or other services that can help you.  

4) Exercise.  This is key to healing.  Science has proven time and time again that exercise improves your mental and physical states.   Get up and get moving.  It will change your attitude and your body.   

5) Get involved in your community.  Volunteer, go to church, attend town meetings, raise money for causes you believe in it.  Whatever you do, get out and get busy.  You will see that life has been generously and beautifully going on without you and that getting back into other life issues will help move you past your own. 

Julie Wainwright started her career at The Clorox Company in brand management. She leaped into the world of personal computer software in her 20s after seeing Visacalc do P&L calculations in seconds versus her hand-cranked "what if" scenarios that took hours each day. By the age of 30, she was a group product manager for a $125M+ business. She was promoted to CEO status after she successfully turned around Berkeley Systems with the introduction of the popular game "You Don't Know Jack" (over 1M units sold in its first 12 months). After the sale of Berkeley Systems, Julie joined Reel.com as CEO. That company was sold for nearly $100M after its wildly successful "Titantic" promotion that she orchestrated. She then became CEO of Pets.com — the first site for pets ever funded. Eight others (that she knows about) were funded after it. Pets.com pulled its Sock out of the pack, created an enduring brand and achieved over revenue of $46M in just nine months in 2000. She founded SmartNow.com last year to help women help themselves. The site launched May 30, 2008.

She has been interviewed on CNN several times and Pets.com was covered on all major networks ABC, NBC, CBS, and the BBC. She has been featured in many magazines from those with a business slant to lifestyle magazines such as InShape and Town and Country. She was honored to speak at the 2000 California Governor's Conference on Women and Family. She has spoken at Harvard and Purdue universities and has sat on many business boards including: Wizards of the Coast and Baker and Taylor; and not-for-profit boards including the San Francisco Art Institute, Magic Theatre and Headlands Center for the Arts.